Fear and Anxiety are part of any sexual relationship. Opening up a vulnerable part of yourself and risking rejection are just a part of the complex emotional fears that can seem to hang over sexual conversations. Your own thoughts can be your worst enemy when you are thinking about talking to your partner about sex. In reality, the response is from your partner is never as bad as you think it will be. People like to please each other and accomodation actually gives people a sense of fulfillment. Communicating with your partner about your sexual desires, likes and dislikes, and ideas can not only improve your sex life, but it can also improve other aspects of your relationship.

There is an old saying that goes: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

Pretending that everything is good and failing to communicate your needs will cause your partner to take the wrong cues, and nothing will change in your life. And waiting too long to bring up issues can make your partner feel decieved, and it can make the issues build pressure inside of you and explode into arguments that could have been reasonable conversations. Your partner may feel upset that you haven't been fulfilled from sex and that you didn't feel comfortable bringing it up. They may take it personally, with self-blame that is difficult to avoid. It's always best to communicate early, and communicate gently. If your needs aren't being met, and you don't make them known, your partner can't fulfill them.

In the end it's your sexual needs that are on the line! Sex is an extremely important part of intimacy, and communication is key to lifelong sexual happiness. Everyone's situations are different and have their own complexities, but here are a few general tips to help start working on your communication:

• Clarify the issues - before sitting down to talk with your partner, clarify in your mind what the issues are. Writing them down can be helpful. This will help you from straying into other unrelated issues.
• Timing and Location - Pick a time when you can both focus on your relationship, each other, and the conversation at hand. It's probably not a good idea to bring it up right before you're going to be intimate with the other person. Location can even make a difference; choose a quiet place without distractions. Put your phone down, turn the TV off. If you bring up sexual dissatisfaction in bed it can localize the feelings of negativity in your bedroom. Keep it separate.
• "I" Statements - Use statements such as "I feel that..." instead of statements like "You make me feel like...". People can be extremely sensitive about sex. Sexuality is personal, and there is a lot of pressure everywhere you look in the world to be sexually perfect, despite how silly and unrealistic that is.

In terms of sexual aids, it can be a hard topic to bring up. There may be stigmas surrounding sexual aids like the Intimate Rider as "toys" or other repugnant verbage. Cut all of that out and address sexual aids as they are: tools for making your sex life better and more fulfilling. In some cases, they take a non-existing or difficult-functioning sex life and make it easy, non-stressful, and more explorative. So when you bring up whether you should try a sex aid, ask your partner how they feel first. Ask if they have suggestions on how the two of you can make changes. If you want to bring up different sex aids to them like the Intimate Rider, let you know that you care about them and their needs. Speak with kindness and let them know that you like being with them. Present the product as something that will enhance their own pleasure and create more options and sexual adventures for the two of you.

Finally, don't be afraid of these conversations! Sometimes it comes down to closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, and starting the conversation. If you go into it expecting that it'll go poorly, your confidence will fall to the floor and it likely WILL go poorly! Go into the conversation expecting that it'll go well, because in reality, what you have to say is productive and important. Your partner can handle talking about sex, it's an important part of your relationship. If you can relax and go into the conversation confidently, your partner will likely be moved by your confidence and communicate better.

Sex, communication, and exploration of new sex aids are an ongoing process. It may be awkward at first, but don't feel like you need to create a perfect solution right away. 

Start the conversation, you'll be glad you did.